Go Otters!!!

So today I found out that I have been accepted to California State University @ Monterey Bay!! And I have to tell you that it was the most scary, overwhelming, exciting feeling that I have ever had in my life. In just a few seconds my life went into fast forward and all I could think about was how before the concept of attending a university was just a thought in my mind and it all of a sudden had become a reality. I just thought oh my God, I am actually now going to be out of the house and out of my hometown in less than 8 months. That's crazy! So now I have a little bit of weight lifted off my shoulders, having some definite place to go, so I just have to find a way to pay for it all. And that's a whole other stress ball in itself but for now I am just basking in my excitement and accomplishment that I am going to be the first person in my family to go to a university, get a degree and prove to myself that I can make something out of my life. I want to show my little brother that when he wants to go to college he can go wherever he wants and be whoever he wants and I want to show my 2 younger cousins that they don't have to be scared to be on their own and be successful just because they are women. I want to set an example to the three of them and make my parents and my grandparents and the rest of my family proud of what I will become.
Next fall will start a whole new chapter in my life and although I am scared out of my mind and extremely nervous I know that the scariest situations are usually the one that have the greatest impact on your life.
So for now I am going to concentrate on finishing up my AA degree and spending as much time with the ones that I love most before I leave- to grow up. Yes I won't be too far from home and yes I will be home quite often but it won't be the same. I want to make sure that when I do leave that everyone back here at home and other places know that no matter what Lodi will always be my home town and I will never for a moment forget where I came from or who got me to where I am.
WISH ME LUCK!!!

The symbol of an open heart

This symbol has been everywhere for a while now and I have just fallen in love with it.The meaning of this symbol is that if a person's heart is open, love will always find a way in. But sometimes it's a little hard to do that; keep one's heart open I mean.
I think it's hard for some people to keep their hearts open after they've been hurt time and time again. I mean it's like when you're little and your doing things that you're not supposed to and to get you to learn someone adds a punishment to give you in hopes that you come to understand that what you were doing before was wrong & finally get you to stop. Well if someone's heart is always open but love never finds a way in, then they are going to learn that what they are doing is wrong; that an open heart is bad & a broken heart is punishment. And then people just end up closing off their hearts to the world and never letting themselves let anyone in because it hurts too much.
So how does someone keep their heart from closing off love?
Well I know that as a kid, if you're doing something that you really want to do & parents or anyone else tried to stop you, that just made you want to do it even more. The risk you had to take was worth being able to do something that you loved & that in the end would out weigh any punishment that anyone could ever dish out. So even though people may want to close off their hearts & shut out love, they shouldn't. Because the risk that it takes to fall into true meaningful love is worth any amount of tears, heartbreak, or pain that may have come before that moment when you realize that you can't live without that someone standing next to you for the rest of your life.
I know that it's hard to keep going after you've had your heart torn to pieces & I know that there are a lot of times when you just want to give up on love all together, but you can't. Because if you do you will miss out on so many great memories you can share with someone & so many new people you will meet on your way to finding that special one. Because if you do you'll never be able to tell what being in like feels like compared to being in love like you someday will be. And because somewhere out there, in this great big world, there is that one person that God meant for you to be with. They are out there waiting for you to find them & if you close your heart, you're not only taking love out of your own life you but you're taking away the love from the life of someone else. I believe that we are each meant to find someone someday & that can only happen if everyone keeps their hearts open all the time.
This symbol means a lot to me because there have been multiple times in just my short life that I have wanted to give up on love. It just never seemed to turn out right. I wanted to write about this symbol because the concept inspired me and I thought I could maybe give somebody some hope. I want it to always be a reminder for someone that even if they've been rejected, even if they've been let down, after the tears, after the pain & after a broken heart, there is someone better out there waiting for you to find them who will show me what true love really is. And also to remember that keeping their hearts open, even when they might not want to & having the relationships that they did, They'll end up with many great memories, & many great friends.
So until the next day dawns, live your life & love all the way through.

A New Beginning

So this is my blog. Nothing fancy, nothing special, just a place to call my own. A place where I can write what I feel, write what I want and not be afraid of any judgments. A place that lets me escape from reality and get away from it all for a moment in time. It's a blog just for me, to write my thoughts, my dreams, and my everyday tidbits that keep things interesting. I can't promise that something new will be here everyday or even that it will interest anyone, but if there is anyone out there who wants to get away from it all, for whatever reason, for just a little while, I welcome you to read into my own little getaway.